Far from Poetic

I can feel it in the wind

raven030@optonline.net — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:16:58 GMT

I might be losing the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
but it might need to happen.
I might need this. I just don't know for sure yet.

P.S. - I'm working a 14 hour shift tomorrow.
It's going on 3:30.
I have to be up by 7.

Reality Check

raven030@optonline.net — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:25:58 GMT

I feel as if every time I remember I have this journal, I'm upset in some sort of way. I guess the lack of a social life drives one wild after time. I mean, if I'm not at school, I'm working, and if I'm not working, I'm doing homework. What cycle huh? If this is going to be the next four years, I'd rather quit while I'm ahead. I'm virtually alone as it is anyway. I don't have a support system, it's scattered far out of my reach, and expanding each day. I haven't even had time to kiss my own mother hello in days. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss not questioning everything around me. I miss my best friend. I'm almost forgetting what she looks like.

I guess I am going to start missing my favorite band now too. Everything I hold on to , to help me, ends up going away some how. I think after my second year of school, I'm gonna go away. It won't cost that much to finish off at least. I feel like I really need this. Not even for the experience, not even to get away from mommy and daddy at their expense. Hell, it's going to be at my own. I'm honest to god, not happy lately, and it's reflecting in everything I do. School isn't going well, neither are my relationships with people. I feel like everything is unwinding slowly.

I love my mother, at least she understands me, she knows when something is wrong. As much as I tend to play the independent daughter card with her all the time, she sees right through me. She is probably the only one who does. I can't wait to be a mother one day, I want to be like her, in certain aspects at least. She's dedicated, though it may not appear like it at times. She raised three children that she is proud of, no matter what trouble we get ourselves into. I respect that. She came from nothing and gave herself a decent life, sure, we don't have everything we want handed to us at any given time, but I appreciate that. I feel like if they spoiled us, I would lack the value I see in everything. I hold everything to me more dearly now because of her and my father, and that is one thing I will always thank them for. Sure me and her are no Lorali and Rory, but we're pretty close.

I just need someone, who can help me, that's all.

September 23rd, 2007

raven030@optonline.net — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 15:15:18 GMT

Can you believe how horrible I am with updating stuff?
So much has happened since February. Nothing honestly bad though.

I never mentioned on February 10th I went with my friend Mike and his cousin Alex to see Bayside at the Crazy Donkey. All I can say is that night was insane and I loved every minute of it. The opening acts were alright I suppose. Wired was a band I wouldn't mind hearing more from. They have potential. The Bombers, I could honestly do without them. I purchased a Bayside hoodie during their set. I fell in love with Valencia that night. I'm surprised I have never heard of them before that point in time. Punchline made me a fan too. I must say they are pretty catchy. Bayside blew me away. Before that night I was a fan, but not a huge one. Their live shows are amazing though, you really don't expect them to be THAT good.

I went to the Honda Civic Tour with my amazing best friend for her 18th birthday as a birthday gift to her, from my parents. She had a wonderful time. It makes me happy to see her smile. She loves Fall Out Boy. She loves to dance. The combination of the two was a match made in heaven for her. That will be a day she always remembers. I had a pretty amazing time too. Any place with The Academy Is.., is perfect for me.

Then I went to Warped Tour on August 4th with Drew who is probably my best male friend lately. Warped tour is one of those experiances you will never forget. Thousands of people coming together for music, that is beautiful. It's nice being able to freely walk around and choose what bands you want to listen to. I saw a fair amount of bands I like, Boys like Girls, New Found Glory, Valencia, and Paramore just to name a few. I got to meet Bayside, and Meg & Dia which was probably the coolest thing ever.

And then a month and a day later, I turned 16. It's unbelieveable really. I started this journal when I was 13. That's three years ago. Time flies honestly. And it scares me sometimes.

February 26, 2007

raven030@optonline.net — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 01:23:50 GMT

You know when you have one of those moments where time seems endless and you seem to be in a world of your own? I know you do because we all have them at least once a day. That one moment where we just stop to catch our breath and take in our surroundings. When we catch up with all the commotion that is occuring around us.

Within my short moment I started to think about time and how there never does seem to be enough. How at one moment you look at a clock and then what feels like thirty seconds later you look back at that very same clock to notice that over an hour has passed. That seems to disturb us in many ways.

February 20th, 2007

raven030@optonline.net — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 04:53:47 GMT

There are times when I just seem to stop life and think. I'll think back to my friends, my family, my reasons for waking up in the morning. Yet every time I stop the world, my mind ends up drifting to you. As I try to forget there is always something that drags me back. Do you still think of me as I do you? Is it really worth remembering or is it just another burden placed upon your shoulders?

It was said we were a problem, but how could we be if we were only effecting our own lives? Hell they warned me a million times.

It's just the fact that I distaste you more than words can describe. I let my guard down, you took it as refuge, you needed material to fuel your crumbling pride. I was the pitiful girl you hand picked to take part in your charade. Yet never in a thousand days could you pay me enough to say I regret the way it became. You made me stronger, I built up that menacing flame I never knew I had locked within.

Thank you.

February 18, 2007

raven030@optonline.net — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 02:59:41 GMT

Life works its magic in many ways.
It has changed so much since the last time I've written here.
Both good and bad.
But overall, I'm thankful for everything that has happened.
No matter how bad it might of been.
I lost one of the most amazing women in my life,
But her death has made the bonds between my family closer.
I'm thankful for everything that woman has done for me.
She raised me as much as, if not more than my mother.
She would knit me the most amazing stuff.
She spoiled me, and I'm gonna out right say it.
I miss her, tons, but everything that happened was for the best.
She's not really gone, we just cannot see her anymore.
I can still talk to her, she just cannot respond.
I can still feel her, She's never gone from my mind.

August 26, 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 16:15:30 GMT

On Sunday I had slept over Son's house.We watched the end of the Met's game and played a board game or two.
After that I got a dumb idea to make a tent in her living room and sleep in it.Well we made the tent, we didn't sleep much cause we kept hitting eachother each time one of us was about to fall asleep.For some reason when I'm tired, I tend to laugh a lot.

On Saturday Me and Son were supposed to go to the mall to see Tyler Hilton, at first we couldn't go cause my cat had something wrong with it's eye and it had to go to the vet.But I guess she felt bad cause when she got home she took me,son and alicia to the mall so we can see him.He has a pretty okay voice.I got some cool pics, but you have to wait till Allison gets her computer back to see them.

And uhhh Tuesday I think it was I had, Alicia,Allison,James and Matt over.Steve showed up for a little then left.Water fight thingy happened.Then Trydel came and decided we should go walk in the trails.Bad idea when he leads.We ended up having to crawl through a thorn bush.

And yesterday Me,Matt,James,Son,And Bobbie Jo ended up going to see Red Eye.Ian and Tyler tried to drag us into a different movie.But I thought Red Eye was a pretty kick ass movie.Halfway through Son told me BJ got hurt in the bathroom so we run to see her.When I walk in I see her standing on the sink counter, dancing....She's so odd, but you have to love her.After the movie we were all walking around outside.Bj chased James around Best yet while Me,Ian,Son,Tyler and Matt stood outside waiting for them to come out.Overall, pretty kickass day.

August 19. 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 20:35:17 GMT

One word is it.
Anxiety:

Noun
Inflected forms: pl.anx·i·e·ties 1. a. A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties. b. A cause of anxiety: For some people, air travel is a real anxiety. 2. Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning. 3. Eager, often agitated desire: my anxiety to make a good impression.
Etymology
Latin *nxiet*s, from *nxius, anxious ; see anxious

August 18. 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Thu, 18 Aug 2005 23:06:18 GMT

Went to see Skeleton Key with the one they call Son.
Amazing movie.

I saw someone who was once a good friend of mine.
Now it's like that person really dosen't give a fuck about me.
So that was the downer of the day.

August 17. 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Wed, 17 Aug 2005 17:47:48 GMT

Monday-
Today we all went over T's house again.
When we got there,Matt wasn't there and one of their friends, Ashley was there.
She's really cool.
We walked down to the Stop and Shop area.
First we went to Dunkin' Doughnuts so me and Matt J could get something to drink.
We saw Alicia's brother, he walked into the back to get away from us.
Then we went to Stop and shop and got some food.(Had a few minor problems at check out.)We blamed it on Matt.
On the walk home one of the bottles of soda we had ended up falling out of a hole in one of the bags and splilling all over the road.
A few minutes after we got back, Matt showed up and we ended up throwing Skittles that the other matt brought at eachother.They were seriously everywhere.
Then we just listening to music with the usual ass slapping.Then Me and matt got locked outside.(evil).
Then Justin came and we decided to let Matt J and Justin cook the food.
Bad idea, yes we now know.
Somehow a bag of fries ended up on the grass ruined and the sasuage ended up burnt.
Me and Matt B attempted to get revenge and lock everytone outside, we failed.
After that not much happened.Ashley left and everyone just kept up the ass slapping war again while listening/singing/dancing to music.
But, Matt J and Justin gave us a funny show of them dancing together to a beatles song right before me and Alcia left.
We have a funny little video of party of the dance though...

August 15. 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 00:49:46 GMT

Ahhh the summer is ending and it finally gets really fun.

Saturday-
Well James came over at like 3:00 and my mom drove Me,Him and Allison to the mall.
When we got there we met up with Matt in Hot Topic and walked around for a little.
I grabed matt's hand and we all walked to the back of victoria's secret and made james and matt touch the wall.
And we walked both of them into forever.
Then we decided to go to friday's to get ice cream.We sat down looked at the menu and all got out and i threw the menus on a pile and we ran.
Later I paid for all of us to go on the merry-go-round twice.The second time Aliison and I got on for free.
Matt and James were on the spinny thing and they spun so fast after they got off both times they looked like they would be sick.
The second time matt ended up walking into a glass wall.

And Genie and Kristen ended up chasing lamp for a while.

August 12, 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Sat, 13 Aug 2005 02:58:55 GMT

Today was fucking amazing.
I went with Alicia's over T'Rea's house.
It was Me, Alicia, T'Rea, Matt J and Matt B.
Everyone was slapping Matt J's ass and believe me, when he slapped you back it hurt.
We watched White Noise.It's not that good of a movie, okay I guess.
I used Matt as a pillow.<3
We kept stealing the blanket from the others, then they stole them back.
Matt J ended up jumping off the couch and hitting his hand on the ceiling beam, which had to fucking hurt.
Then a little while later Matt B ended up doing something like that.
We all walked to the Coram school and played on the swings and me and Matt ended up walking around to try to find an open door to the school.And we asked some kid on a bike if he had a kickball so we could play.
Alicia and Matt J ended up breaking one of those ice holder things.
And We ended up putting an ice pack down Matt J's shorts.

We also ended up dancing to Cotton eyed joe and the first time I watched and Alicia was the one who wasn't really tired at the end so me and T'Rea said she won...
The second time it was everyone except T'Rea that did the dance.

July 30, 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Sun, 31 Jul 2005 01:46:37 GMT

There are times when I hate my fucking dad with passion.
Today was one of those times.
I hate how he treats me like I'm still eight.
When my brothers where my age they did stupid shit, and now he probably thinks I'll be just like them.

Well sorry, I highly doubt
I'm gonna be as retarted as
my brothers were.

It's just.
For the past two or three years,
I've never wanted to be here.I've always
wanted to leave New York.Leave behind this
dreadful place that is about to drive me to
the brink of fucking insanity.I mean, I hate
almost everyone here.And I doubt any of them
give a flying fuck about me as it is.

July 29, 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 03:49:40 GMT

It feels like there is a storm in my mind.
I just can't think or concentrate on anything anymore.
It's like, I have no idea what is going on half the time.
I can't think of anything to write anymore.
I have no insperation what so ever.
I'm just there..
Just plain Melissa..
Just another carbon copy in this pathetic world.

Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

Did you ever think most of your friends forget about you?
I do..
It's not like it hasn't happened to me before.
It's just, I can't explain it, I want things to be different for once.
I want to feel like I belong somewhere.
I just want to be loved for once.
I've never said that before....

July 28, 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 02:06:12 GMT

You know what I hate?
When you have something to say, but you can't find the exact words to say.
Like the Lifehouse song says:

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

I can't even make a poem of what I want to say, cause I can't even find the right words for that.

Today was amazing.
John came over and me and him were hagning out with Allison.We were walking down Daytona (Dayton, Dayona) and John decided to take off his pants and walk down the road in his boxers.Then down the road a little more was a big rock and John was standing on it with his pants down to his ankles.
After that we went and met up with Mike and just walked around for an hour or so.
Then me and him went to my house and then left again to meet up with Alicia, who we hung out with till John had to leave.

July 17, 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Mon, 18 Jul 2005 02:30:54 GMT

Can I get a woot woot?

I love saying that.
I want to sleep outside, under the stars where I feel comfortable and safe.

The new Harry Potter book is amazing.I finished it in about a total of ten and a half hours.Ending is kinda sad, but I really didn't care about the person who died.I am kind of glad that character is gone.

Today just wasn't my day, I learned a few things.
1.) I learned I should not be near a BBQ if you really want the food.
2.)I lost my writing notebook with all my poems.
3.)I learned never to turn the water on and use it for the fact that the person usually uses hot so I get burned cause they do not have enough brains to run the cold water before they turn it off..
4.I have learned never to look at a chair before I sit down in fear of a knife being on the chair.(Don't ask, my dad is forgetful and slow when he fixes things.He just leaves things laying around.)

July 10, 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 15:13:17 GMT

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married? How about children?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

July 07. 2005

raven030@optonline.net — Thu, 07 Jul 2005 18:59:32 GMT

Woah, sadly it's been a while since I updated this journal.

A lot of things have happened since then.:
1.) I saw Good Charlotte, Sum41 , and Hazen Street (missed Lola Ray) with my brother and his girlfriend.It was amazing.
2.) I saw Taking Back Sunday, Jimmy Eat World, And The Format with James (aka Lamp).So much fun.

Also, Megan (Ishy) did come for Haloween.
First, went and saw Brian (Smart), and Drew.
We gave Drew our eggs cause they broke.
Then we saw Alicia and wasted the silly string in a mini war.
Then when it got dark we were walking around with this group of people.We didn't know any of them except for one girl from my class.And this one kid kept telling us his name was Drew, when it really wasn't.

Then we ended up runing into Drew,Brandon and Frank I think.Drew sprayed shaving cream all over us, and then he did it again about half an hour later.He's so evil.

And Ishy had a sword when she came...but she broke it before she got here, and duct taped it all up.

October 23, 2004

raven030@optonline.net — Sat, 23 Oct 2004 19:34:34 GMT

Hey, like the background image?Ishy made it.It's awsome.If you think this one is good.Look at the one she has on her account.(Igot10toes)

Soooo today I hung out with Alicia and some her friends.I sorta left.I felt like I didn't fit in.I mean, they all really know eachother.The only I know really is Alicia.Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

So I'm back here talking to Ishy and were having stupid conversations, like this one:
Ishy: DUDE
Ishy: DUDE
Me: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ishy: THERES A NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS GAMEEE
Me: REALLY!?
Ishy: YES

Later

October 17, 2004

raven030@optonline.net — Sun, 17 Oct 2004 22:09:06 GMT

Hi!!Okay, my first enrty in this LiveJournal.Now everybody, "oooh, ah" at the pretty pictures of Seb.Anyways,I can't wait for halloween!Megan(Ishy)is coming to visit so we can annoy people.We gonna scare the little children!Two words, "Benji Tears".That's all I'm going to say.I'm getting Ishy the Steriogram cd for Christmas.And she is getting me My Chemical Romance!